Okay, once again I came away from the professional with some new insight. Yeah, I'm thrilled as well.
The deal is I am going to have to say "the" word that explicitly states what he raped me with if I want to continue moving forward. This is according to me, not her. Yep, I'm overwhelmed with "thrill".
I hate therapy. Here goes...
The word that paints a clear picture that can't be denied..
or the horror.
Yeah, just one word.
You know the word...and what you did
to me.
You know the word that states how you violated me.
Just one word.
The word I can't give voice to.
The word that causes shame to flood my soul
and fill my heart.
The word that surrounds me with darkness that was caused...
by you.
Just one word.
One word uglier than rape or sexual assault...
or sodomy.
Just one word.
You stole my voice that night
I want it back.
I have it back except
for one word.
One powerful word.
One day I'll say it...
and tell what you did
Just not today.
Soon, very soon.
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A record of my recovery from Sexual Assault and/or Rape. The label doesn't matter. That it happened does.
Just another voice demanding to be heard
Potential trigger
Warning - this is unsettling and can be a triggering event for some folks. The magic words are sexual assault and non-consent.
Please take care of yourself if you read it. A good resource is http://www.rainn.org/ or look in your local phone book under crisis centers.
Please take care of yourself if you read it. A good resource is http://www.rainn.org/ or look in your local phone book under crisis centers.
About Me
- dangergirl
- copyright 2008 - present
11 comments:
In your own time, you own this, do it your way...
We are all pulling for you but you have to do this in your own time and in your own way. You can do it...
hugs
baby steps sweetie.
*hugs*
Thanks everyone. I feel like I got a group hug. :))
Healing is definitely happening.
dg
keep working it out in your mind until you are really ready. ((hugs))
Princess, just wanted to say thanks for the hug :D
Just remember, it's only a word.
It's the attachments, emotions, etc. TO and associated WITH the word that can make it difficult.
Maybe just saying the word, as it stands on its own, will help with the other things associated with it.
Say it when you're ready, sweetie...
*hugs*
We all know you can do it. The day will come when you can say that word loud and clear and over and over until it loses its power.
I know you can!
LB - you're right, it IS the attachments that make it difficult. Somehow that gives me some comfort and allows me to give myself some more space and time before jumping in and just "doing it." btw - I realize that was an incredibly long run-on sentence so thanks for indulging me. LOL
ASM - thanks for the confidence. I'm just going to borrow it from you for a minute until I catch up :)
dg
You will find your voice in saying the word when you are ready. You are getting there.
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