Warning - this is unsettling and can be a triggering event for some folks. The magic words are sexual assault and non-consent. Please take care of yourself if you read it. A good resource is http://www.rainn.org/ or look in your local phone book under crisis centers.
Okay, here goes....
It happened October 13... I still don't understand how.
Someone explain how a professional woman in her 40s becomes the victim of date rape.
Someone explain how a single mother of 2 gets raped by someone on the third date.
Someone explain to how this happens in a small town after, I repeat, AFTER the man was vetted.
Someone explain how there were NO alarm bells.
Someone explain how I use "the" word that describes exactly how he raped me.
Please, someone explain this to me.
Someone explain how he pre-meditated this.
Someone explain how I trusted him...I understand why.
Someone explain why I had a glass of water in his kitchen when it was done.
Someone explain how I was able to talk about inconsequential things 10 minutes later.
Please, someone explain this to me.
Someone explain how he had the audacity to say he wasn't done with me yet.
Someone explain how I was calm, got dressed and pretended that everything was okay.
Someone explain why he accepted my excuse that I was sick and needed to go.
Someone explain why the clues he gave didn't "click" in my head.
Please, someone explain that to me.
Someone explain how I get the sound out of my head...the sound a ketchup bottle makes when you empty it.
Someone explain how I speak the word...the one that says it all.
Someone explain how I didn't realize what was happening until it was all over.
Yeah, someone explain that to me.
Someone explain how to say the word.
Someone explain how a human being can degrade someone else like that.
Someone explain how that can possibly be a turn-on.
Please, I need someone to explain that to me.
Someone explain what I do now.
Someone explain how I move forward.
Someone explain why I feel so fractured.
Someone explain how I tell my family...my children.
Someone explain how I hide it from them.
Someone explain how to decide which one to choose.
Someone explain how I was so stupid for being in that situation.
Someone explain how I quiet that voice.
Someone explain how I allowed this to happen.I didn't.
Someone explain how that is any better. At least if I had let him do it then I would have had some control.
Someone explain that to me.
Someone explain why he did that.
Someone explain how it happened so fast.
Someone explain how I didn't feel it at first.
Someone explain how I give voice to it.
Please, I am begging for someone to explain.
Someone explain how I decide if it really "qualifies" as rape.
Someone explain why I need to do that.
Someone explain how I say the word enema.
There, I said it.
Someone please explain what to do now.
I don't have a clue.
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6 comments:
I can't explain, no one can...
But I hope you find your answers and your peace...
I don't have the answers either.... *hugs*
i have no answers but i have huge hug anytime you need it *hugs*
Jennybean, Vixen and Jobthingy - thanks. Hugs are exactly whan I needed. I'm thinking the answer may be he is just a mother-fucker.
Actually, SS used more adjectives in another post. LOL
oh sweetie, i am so so sorry. i wish i could explain. i am also a single mother of 2 in my late 30's. this is a very real fear. very scary. i wish i could explain. sending you my good thoughts.
Thc princess for your supportive thoughts and words. It is enough to have so many witnesses to my journey.
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